Friday, March 11, 2011

Crow~ It's What's for Dinner

I feel a ramble coming on.
Yesterday I was the object of a virtual girl-gang fight, and it was absolutely surreal. Not only did I not see it coming, I didn't think it was warranted at all. But in the end, I caved. I didn't want to. I still don't want to. But I did it for Christians and for the sake of doing the right thing. In spite of the fact that I think the instigator of the mess was completely in the wrong. Way to take one for the Lord, eh? Well, let me tell ya. The fact that I am still not happy about eating it should show just how much of a hypocrite I feel like.
Sometimes doing the right thing TOTALLY SUCKS!!!
I told Shawn, after I ended it, that it is almost like the fight I'm in for my health. I don't want to eat the salad. I want the cake. But the cake is only for immediate satisfaction. So I put on my big girl panties and eat the salad. All the while, grumbling under my breath that the cake would have been much yummier. I didn't do the right thing because I wanted to, I did it because I HAD to. So what if I don't want to? The result is the same. I am fed and have the results of a good decision under my belt.
Meanwhile, I feel battered emotionally by someone I have kept contact with over the years, solely in the hopes that she will be drawn to the things of the Lord. I know I'm not a perfect example of Christianity. HELLO? I'm more than a hundred pounds overweight! Somewhere I have idols that are quite obvious.
I wanted so badly to lash out with the pain and defensiveness that I felt. In fact, I still feel it. I spent the whole night at work feverishly praying for forgiveness and the right attitude. I'm still not there. I have moments of forgiveness and peace, but then I fall back into defense mode and wanna go kick her tail. What? I'm human, and she attacked me publicly! But, for her sake, and for the sake of her friends, who were right on board for the Diane-and-all-Christians-out-there bashing session, I apologized for offending her and removed the offensive material.
Maybe tomorrow I will stop being mad about it.


rthling said...

I wasn't going to post this to facebook, because I didn't want HER to see it. But she has un-friended me, so here ya go.

Yvette said...

Oh Diane, you're going to have to email me the details of this one. Why would someone unfriend you because you're a Christian?? I find it hard to believe that she didn't know that when she friended you...

Joanna said...

Wow that's rough! Kudos for taking the high road. Don't forget, even Jesus kicked some tail for people dissing His Father' house.

My Dad has a saying, you can drag the horse to the water but you can't make him drink it. You've shown the path to the water so it's up to the horse, or donkey, to take the drink.

You're an awesome lady. Don't let the donkey get you down. ;)

Cathy M. said...

Howdy, I stumbled across your blog this afternoon, and enjoyed reading a few entries. This one is pretty cryptic, but it sounds like you had to "turn a cheek." Good for you! Not very easy, though... right? Hope it all worked out for the best.