Random conversations

Real Hypothetical conversation between a random nine and ten year old:


Random ten-year-old girl: Just wait until you are in fourth grade. You'll have to go to big church.

Random nine-year-old boy: Boring, huh?

RTYOG: Not all the time.

RNYOB: [[shrugs]]

RTYOG: If you take it like a man, it's not so bad.

Random Mom sitting at same table: [[snorts sweet tea out nose]]

Final version

Shawn and I built a scaled down version of the tear drop trailer we plan to build someday. For now, this little utility trailer will be going with us to NY at Thanksgiving. We will be driving Shawn's little Aveo, and we needed someplace to put stuff like the clothes and the kids. So here she is...

Project complete

A bit ago I told you that I was working on a project that included power tools and involved sawdust upon freshly sunburnt skin. Remember? Well, we have completed our task. It is pretty cool, if you ask me.

Can you guess what it is?

No fair giving out hints, Chris!

Let Me Ask You This....#2

My friend Tina, at Golden Goodness has posted a list of questions for us to answer in the interest of getting to know her friends better. This is her second list. I'm hoping she does this regularly, now that the feast has mysteriously dried up. So at the end is an opportunity to name the questionnaire. Any other suggestions?

1. Rare, medium or well-done?
I like my steak grilled medium-rare to medium. My burgers must be medium well, and my apple pie must be well done.

2. Do you plan to stay in the house you're in for the rest of your life?
Not if I can help it. Although I have strong suspicions that the house we're buying will be my "forever home."

3. Why do you have the size bed you have?
We have a queen size bed, and I like having enough room to snuggle with my hubby, but also have it be big enough for my own space. I do not like to be touched by so much as a leg hair when I'm ready to go to sleep. As for why we have it, it's what we bought when we get married, and we will probably always have it. Although we replace the mattress set periodically.

4. When you buy milk, do you just grab a jug or do you look for the latest exp. date?
I do look at the date, and go for the furthest one out there, but it's always gone in a couple of days, so it doesn't really matter.

5. Do you and your spouse go on dates? How often?
Shawn and I go on dates pretty often compared with some people. We have a GREAT babysitter. If you need one, I can hook you up.

6. Do you like to play board games? Favorite?
I grew up playing board games, but there was a certain game nazi in my family. You didn't dare beat this person, and if you won by chance, even though you played stupidly, and without skill, you were yelled at. So I have to overcome that history to enjoy playing with my kids. But we have a game called Kids Battle the Grown-ups that is fun.

7. Do you have a day each which that you sleep late?
I like to sleep in every day, because I like to stay up late every night. But practically, We sleep late on Saturdays right now, because soccer games are not until 10:15 this year.

8. Do you wear shoes in your house or park them at the door?
If I have gone out somewhere, I usually keep them on in the house. I get more accomplished if I have them on. But I don't usually put them on until I'm going somewhere.

Bonus:Name this game!!
Friday's Findings

Cheeeeeese!

Teach the young dog some new tricks

Drs. Tim and Sandy checked with me at church on Sunday to see if Zacchie is doing okay. Of course, he's fine. But they both felt the need to tell me I need to teach him some manners. Like most bottle fed animals, he is lacking in the finer skills. He doesn't know he is just a dog, and a young whipper snapper at that. He didn't have his momma snarling at him when he was too demanding or didn't act right, so he just doesn't know. And when he plays with Cricket and Roxy, they get pretty aggressive. This evening when we were outside, he was running circles around Cricket, body slamming her and then running away. They were hilarious. I need to get some video.

Home Ec.

Convicted by my revealing statements yesterday, and truly wanting to commence with the packing efforts, we have spent the whole day studying home economics.

Of course, this means nothing more than we thoroughly cleaned the house from top to bottom. (with the exception of the laundry room. It's scary in there.)

Additionally, we have done about forty-seven loads of laundry.

What? It's school!

So feel free to drop by anytime in the next ten minutes. I promise not to be mortified.

Seven random things about me (very long, go to the bathroom first)

1. I am not a very good housekeeper. I admit, when I go to bed at night there are usually dishes in the sink. And on the counters, and left scattered in the livingroom.
The laundry is my nemesis. I have one of those great separated hampers that tells me when I need to do a load of whites or jeans. The kids have a regular hamper in their bathroom and every few days I have one of them sort their clothes into the hamper in the laundry room. It's a good system, and usually the laundry doesn't pile up too high. But sometimes it does.
Usually, on any given day, I would be mortified if someone dropped in to visit, because my house is a mess. Except LaDonia and Chris, because they love me for who I am and I don't feel judged by them.

2. Every night, when I go to bed, I flip my pillow over. It is what I do. Even if I made my bed that day, see number 1, I still feel the need to flip. And when I wake up during the night to go to the bathroom, and I always do, I flip it again. I like the cool side next to my face, and the part that meets my shoulder not to be the flattened side.

3. I LOVE to go camping. I love setting up the camper and playing house outside. I have a bunch of pink flamingo decorations that I enjoy putting out and looking at while we are camping. When we first started camping with a tent and a couple of air mattresses, I loved it. And when we started accumulating all the fun stuff to take along, I loved it more. But when we got our first pop up camper, I realized there was a whole 'nother kind of camping that I REALLY loved, because I could enjoy the fun stuff without the headache of so much packing, which I don't love.
In order to enjoy our camping trips to the fullest, I like to have the perfect weather. Not too hot during the day, and cool enough in the mornings and evenings to have a fire and roast marshmallows or have a cup of steaming hot chocolate.
But right now, we have a camper that has a great kitchen, complete with stove, oven, double sink, microwave, refrigerator, and FREEZER, that sits in the yard and never goes out because we are too broke to afford gas to drive it any distance and enjoy this thing we all LOVE.

4. I am a good cook. I almost said I am a great cook, but I don't think I fall into that category, because I have a limited repertoire of dishes I actually prepare. I am an anomally in the kitchen. I grew up in the south, but I was raised by a mid-western farm type mom, who grew up on meats and potatoes. But anything I do cook, I make very well. I have a recipe for pie crust that melts in your mouth with its flakiness. I will not share it with you, because it was my grandmother's, and it is a family secret. I have won awards for a couple of things that I cook. And since I won these awards, I do not enter into the same contests with the same foods, because it wouldn't be fair to the rest of the people. Really, it's because I wouldn't want to lose and then think my apple pie wasn't still the best dessert in all the land.

5. I don't wear much jewelry. I have a few key pieces that I wear whenever I remember to put them on. I don't even wear my wedding ring much. It's not that I don't love my husband. I just forget to put it on half the time. I'm not one of those wives who has kept on her ring since the moment it was slipped on her finger. First of all, I think that's sweet, but kind of gross. You should get it cleaned sometimes, and it's hard to wash your hands well with it in the way. I don't like the feeling that I can't dry my hands under my ring after I wash them. So I try to remember to put on my ring when I leave the house, but usually I forget. It's a good thing my hubby isn't worried.

6. I enjoy a good country motorcycle ride. I'd rather ride on a quiet, tree lined country road than a bustling city turnpike, any day. I don't enjoy the speed of the interstate, but a cool, quiet ride out to the house we're buying is delightful.
I didn't know until a few years ago that I'd like to ride. In fact, when Shawn first acquired his first motorcycle, I was not happy. He got it from a friend at work who just wanted it to go away. It came in a few boxes, because it was pretty much dismantled. Shawn put it back together at another friend's house. I didn't know what he was doing. I knew he was spending a lot of time over there, but I didn't ask him why. I figured he'd tell me when he was ready. But after a long while, I finally did speak up. I told him I didn't know what he was up to, and I wasn't asking him to tell me, but I wanted him to know that I knew he was up to something, and I expected him to tell me eventually what it was. A few days later he brought home a picture of the bike he was restoring. I'm not sure what I expected him to tell me, but that wasn't it. I was NOT happy. But after watching him ride it, and seeing how safety conscious he was, I confessed that I thought it looked like fun, and maybe I'd like to ride, too.
The next day he took me all over the city looking for the perfect bike for me. And when I realized one of my good friend's mothers was selling her V Star, we bought it for me. And I had no clue how to ride it, or even if I'd like it.
I decided to sell it a little while later, so we could buy the camper that sits in the yard. But my darling husband surprised me this year with another one just like it, because he knew how much I missed my first one.

7. I LOVE surprises. But they have to be good ones. Something that I want to happen. I remember when I was little, and my hamster died, that my sister and brother bought me another one. I was so surprised that I named him Surprise.
When I was sixteen, my sister threw me a surprise birthday party, and all of my friends were there. I loved it!
But Shawn has a hard time pulling off a real doozy. He usually gives himself away because he has to feel me out to see if it will work. Like the time he bought upper cabinets for our first house. I think it might have been an anniversary present. Our first house didn't have upper cabinets, and I whined and complained about it a lot. So when Shawn thought about getting them for our big day, he ran it by my sister, because she knows me so well, and would know if I'd like them. But a couple of days before they were coming, we saw a commercial about cabinets, and he asked me what I thought about them. It didn't take me long to put two and two together. I called Chris and told her in my most horrified voice that I thought Shawn was planning to buy me CABINETS for a gift. She broke. She told me that he had asked her if it would be okay, and that she said she thought it was a great idea, given all my whining about not having any, and he and his Dad took a day off of work to pick them up and install them while I was at work. So I bucked up, put on my happy face, and it was YEARS before he knew that I had known about them beforehand.
But this year, when he bought my motorcycle for my birthday, and I knew NOTHING about it in advance, he redeemed himself for all the times he failed to pull off a complete surprise.

No longer a wee little man...

It has been a while since I updated on Zaccheus, so I thought I'd fill you in. He is right at three pounds, and I don't expect him to get much bigger. He will be five months old next week. He couldn't be a bigger (albeit little) brat if he tried.
Shawn is quite attached to the little booger, and Zaccheus doesn't even know I exist if Daddy's home. So Hubby will be lost tonight when he gets home and there's no Zacchie jumping up for some love.
Z went in today to see Dr. Tim and have his manhood removed. He will be staying overnight. I had a hard time leaving him when they came to get him from me.
I was going to wait until he was a year old and has his mouth fixed to have him neutered, but we reached a problem that had to be fixed (no pun intended) right away.
Roxy went into heat. I didn't want to risk him getting her pregnant. I wasn't even sure if he could, but when Dr. Tim said it was possible, I made a snap decision. Actually, it was more for the fact that I didn't want him going through puberty and starting to mark his territory. And apparently, a male dog goes through that at 6-7 months, but although Z is a little young yet, Dr. Tim told me it was possible that being around a female in heat could stimulate him to start early.

To thirds of a pun = P U

1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

3. She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, 'You stay here, I'll go on a head.'

14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.'

17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

18. It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.

19. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

20. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

21. A backward poet writes inverse.

22. In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

Some little known and some well known scientific facts

Skunks stink.

Skunks do not see well.

Skunks occasionally get hit by cars.

Skunks rarely survive getting hit by cars.

Skunks which are hit by cars release their defense spray.

The defense spray of the recently killed skunk lingers in the air.

A motorcyclist driving through the recently released defense spray will subsequently be subject to the malodorus substance.

When motorcyclist who has been subjected to recently released malodorus defense spray arrives at home she will repel her family and require a long shower.

What a loser!

I'm sportin' a big ole "L" on my forehead today.

I should have seen it coming.

But it came out of nowhere.

It was entirely my fault, so I couldn't even yell at anyone.

I even felt the need to look around to make sure nobody saw me do it.

I ran SMACK into the cabinet door that I left open.

So, technically, the "L" is the imprint of the corner of the door.

I'm such a loser!

The little things in life

Don't you love it when you have spent precious time laboriously typing out an email, and you hit the spell check, and up pops a screen that says,
"You have perfect spelling?"
Okay, it's just me. I am so easily amused.
Carry on.

The zen of sarcasm (thanks Casandra)

01. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me alone.

02. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.

03. It's always darkest before dawn . So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

04. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

05. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.

06. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

07. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of loan payments .

08 Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes

09. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is probably not for you.

10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day .

11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably a wise investment.

12. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

13. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.

14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

15.The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket

16. A closed mouth gathers no foot .

17. Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

18. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works

19. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

20. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

21. Never miss a good chance to shut up .

Economics 101

In the attempt to stick it to the man economize in the grocery section of the budget, I have sent Shawn out for the Sunday paper. I have never been a coupon person. I find that searching the local flyers and ads for five cents off a loaf of cracked cranberry bread to be a trifle tedious. I do not pounce gleefully upon the little coupon holders cleverly placed in the aisles of my grocery store. I would rather pay a little bit more money at one place than flit about town seeking all the best can't-pass-up sales, all the while my gas tank can literally practically be heard with its slurping and burping.
But as I was standing in Wal-fart this weekend I decided something must be done. I have been purchasing the same bottle of Cascade for years. And suddenly it has gone up in price. Not the easy to digest twenty-five cents, either. No, it has gone up exactly $1.25. I thought about looking around for the camera. I mean, this has to be a joke, right? Where are the hidden cameras? No? There are no hidden cameras? Then you won't mind turning a blind eye while I slip this bottle into my pants, right? I mean, no body notices the unsightly bulges of a really big woman, so I should be able to walk out of here without being stopped.
So excuse me while I go sit for the next two hours staring at a pile of coupons I have to cut out and organize, write a shopping list based on meals I can cook for my family which include massive amounts of Betty Crocker instant potatoes (I have a coupon!), and put sticky notes around the house in various places to remind me not to forget my coupons and list when I actually go to the store.

I'll pass, thanks

Okay, am I the only one on the planet who thinks this sign is HILARIOUS?

But I grew up with two younger brothers who would have totally thought this was a joke.

So I actually had to take a picture of it. The people inside must have thought I was nuts.

Too much?

How do I say the words and not sound like a heartless Mom?
"You have no idea what trauma is. You don't know what real loss feels like. You don't have a clue what it means to be afraid of your mom, and flinch or brace yourself when she comes near enough to tuck a stray strand of hair behind your ear."
Hailey is lamenting the loss of her beloved sticky candy. She has undergone a baby root canal and now sports a flashy stainless steel crown in her mouth. She is worth more now than ever with all that bling.
This morning we were having a heart to heart in which I was telling her that she was not grown up enough to sit in the front seat of the car. She has been sitting up there with me periodically because she is nearly the size of a small adult, and it is easy to think she is becoming a young lady. But this morning she made a decision that was decidedly childish. Not childish in a bad way, but a reality check for me that she really is still a child. When I told her that children sit in the back seat for their safety, and that is where she will be henceforth, she told me that it is just "too much."
Too much? Are you kidding me???
Child, you have no idea what too much is.
Until you have lived a life of ducking when your Mom walks by,
Until you have felt so sick from the chemotherapy that is keeping you alive,
Until you have held your tiny son for the first time while the breath of life slips away in him,
Until you have felt the floor under you rumble and your nostrils fill with burning jet fuel,
Until you have seen the building your father works in crumble to the ground,
Until you have heard the wail of a mother who has lost her only child,
Until you have seen the desperate faces of those holding pictures of missing family members,
You have no idea what "too much" is.

Wordless Wednesday (marshmallow anyone?)

Sharin' The Love

I have always sneered with disdain whenever I have heard the words, "I met someone online..." So it was with humility that I uttered them myself not too long ago, when speaking about a new blogging buddy. I met her when she graciously left a comment on my blog. Hopping right over to her Land of Boys, I immediately felt a bond with Kelli. We both homeschool our children. She has three colorful boys, two of whom are very close in age to my kids.

Well, Kelli has left me the nicest award! Thank you ever so much, my bloggy friend!

Now it is my honor to bestow it upon some of the best writers I have the priveledge to read.

First I would like to introduce you to Chris from Thanks For Noticing Me. She's well versed in the art of the not-so-obvious humor. I especially like her blog because it always cracks me up. Partly because I know her so well and I can read between the lines, and partly because, although we are two peas in a pod, we are very, very different people. And it doesn't show more than right here in Blogworld. I love that we found yet another thing in common!

Second, I met one of the only daddy bloggers I know through someone else, and have read him ever since. I think the title of his Honey I fed The Kids jumped out at me. He is hilarious and I think he must be a wonderful husband and father. He says the sweetest things about his wife, whose blog I also read. I don't know anyone more articulate than Scott, and I find myself scouring his posts for grammatical and spelling errors. (Sorry, dude. I just know how smart you are, and have to try to catch you slip.)

And last, but certainly not least, I present this award to Tina. She is very witty, smart, cute, talented, and fun. I didn't really know her well before we started reading each other's blogs. And I'm glad to have found such a good friend, who was right there all the time, and I didn't even know it. She is full of Golden Goodness. Her kiddies are too adorable to be true, and I love reading about all their fun adventures. I don't know anybody else who takes pictures of spilled chocolate milk before she cleans it up, just so she can blog about it.

I'll take a brownie, hold the poo, please.

The same conversation comes up every now and again. I still feel as strongly as I did before, but the explanations always get a little more detailed.
Hailey wants to know why she isn't allowed to participate in sleepovers. I have already explained why to my readers, but have not given her the full details. I don't want to give her more than she can handle, and sometimes it is good to ask your kids to trust you. That the decisions you make are not arbitrary, but rationally thought out, and with their best interest at heart. We make the tough ones because we love them. It's what we do. It's what God expects of us. And we don't want to let them down if we can help it.
So I started off with this example: (this is a variation of another example I have heard before.)
Imagine I brought out a pan of brownies and offered them to you. They are still warm from the oven, and cut into huge pieces, six in all. They have chocolate chips and chocolate chunks in them. They smell delicious, and they are oozing chocolatey yumminess. You reach for one, but just before you grasp it, you hear my warning.
"One of these brownies has a piece of Zacchie's poo in it. I didn't put a big piece in there, and I'm not sure which one it's in."
What would you do? Would you eat one because there's five chances you won't get the poopy brownie? Or would you pass?
Her answer, "I'd walk away."
Well, this is a little like that. I know the chances of her being hurt at someone's house are slim, but I also know that the statistics are that she might. Why would I be willing to risk her innocence? So I told Hailey that I believed Mr. Tom* wouldn't hurt her, and Mr. Dick* wouldn't hurt her, and that Mr. Harry* wouldn't hurt her, either, but I also believed my friend's daddy wouldn't hurt my friend, and I was wrong.
So I'd rather she missed out on five perfectly good brownies because I wouldn't want to feed her poo.

*names have been changed to protect the innocent.

Boxes, I need boxes!

So it looks like we should be moving in a few weeks.
We have a contract on the most perfect, wonderful house in the world.
I had better get busy.

...Worketh Patience

Today Hailey is learning about common multiples. Did you know that you actually need to know your multiplication tables for that?
Back to the drawing board.
Not like we learned them in the THIRD grade, or anything.

We still have not gotten word back about the house. I am really trying hard not to call my realtor every hour, on the hour. She doesn't know any more than I do, and she'll call me the minute she hears anything. But I feel the need to remind her to call the selling realtor a couple of times a day. The problem is that the house is a foreclosure, so it is up to a bank to consider our offer. It is nothing like dealing with a seller that is a homeowner. I know from experience that a homeowner will not want to lose a seller, and will have an answer quickly. But a bank, notsomuch. In fact, I heard that if the property's case worker is on vacation or sick, the offer might sit on a desk until they get back.
So I'm trying to be patient.
And we all know how well that's going. ;)

Moonbeam

I've seen a lot of television in my life. I have a few favorites. I loved The Brady Bunch, Little House on the Prairie, The Wonder Years, and a few others.

But no one except my sister could answer the trivia question correctly.

What is Diane's favorite TV show?

Well, I'll tell ya, it's KILLING me.

That screen writer's strike last year put a crimp in my style.

Everything has been put on hold. Seasons have been shortened. Shows have been cancelled.

This has been driving me crazy, and I have resorted to watching things like How To Look Good Naked, and re-runs of That 70's Show.

Give me back my TV shows!

I need a CSI fix, and re-runs don't cut it!

But my favorite show, the one I actually have bought the seasons on DVD, is LOST. I went online today to find out when the season begins.

NOT.UNTIL.EARLY.NEXT.YEAR!

Are you KIDDING me????

They had a little link on there where you could test Sawyer to see what he'd call you. (he gives nicknames to everybody) And while I'm sure he'd really call me something along the lines of the names he calls Hurley, I answered the questions and got the name Moonbeam.

I'll take it.

Now bring me back my TV.

W-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-l-t!

I mean, S-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-w-y-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-r!

Is it time yet?

Every year I look forward to the first day of school. The ceremonial sharpening of the pencils, the first opening prayer, the first shutting off of the phone...
Seems just last week that we couldn't wait for summer break to commence.
Oh, the human race is never satisfied!
Last night I sat with school books all around me and wrote out our lesson plans for this week. I was having so much fun that I thought of springing a school day on the kids today, but Shawn vetoed that decision. He's such a spoil sport. Or maybe just a cool dad. Whatever.
Last year both of the kids had review for several chapters before hitting anything new. This year, notsomuch. They hit it hard and fast. Caleb starts the first chapter of math learning multiplication. I had heard from several sources that odd year grades are harder. The second and fourth grades are mostly review. So this year I get the hardest, third and fifth. Yay me.
So why can't we start today?